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Building Families that Embrace Mission
Carl & Virginia Herrington
Atlanta, USA
These are exciting days of mobilisation. Families are uprooting to join church plants, young people are travelling to other nations and everywhere people are being caught up in the fervour of taking the gospel to other places. How do you raise a family that happily embraces the vision?
Last year, Carl and Virginia Herrington moved from Missouri to Atlanta to begin a new church. Hosting a seminar about missional-minded families, Carl began by surfacing an oft-quoted maxim and then demolishing it. Preachers often compartmentalise life: ‘God first, then family, then church, then work’. Carl argued that this is a false perspective of the Christian life. Our whole lives must come under the umbrella of ‘God first’. As we obey Him by ‘seeking first the kingdom of God’, we will listen to Him and do what is right. God is building His church, not primarily your family. He will build your family if you concentrate on making Him the central focus. Building godly marriages, families and churches are all part of building the kingdom of God, not separate segments.
Virginia related that she had been raised by an indulgent father whose philosophy was to let his daughters do whatever they wanted. This resulted in her believing she had a right to be happy and do whatever she liked. She married Carl and soon discovered that his philosophy of life was very different – to find out God’s will and do it! Virginia began to see that she had a head full of religious knowledge but her heart needed to change. God began to work in her to want His will, to recognise that it is good and perfect and not to be scared of it.
Is your heart yielded?
How do you know you have a yielded heart? Carl gave some pointers.
• Ask others for input. He confided that most changes have come in his life through asking others for help. The members of the body need one another. ‘A wise man listens to advice’ (Prov. 12:15).
• Respond to things that the Holy Spirit brings to your attention. When God puts His finger on something, don’t resist, work with Him on it.
• Be willing to obey even when it means stepping out of your comfort zone.
You might ask, ‘What has this to do with raising a family?’ Carl and Virginia’s point was that, if we allow God to shape us, we will be better equipped to shape our children; they will learn how we prioritise in life. Jesus’ preoccupation was, ‘What is the Father doing?’ and so should ours be. As husband and wife focus on God, it will bring security to the children.
When Mary the mother of Jesus was seeking his attention one day, Jesus said, ‘Who are my mother, my brothers, my sisters?’ Virginia confessed that her view of this incident was at first negative. How could Jesus act in a way that could be seen as denying his family relationships? Then she realised that Jesus’ view of family is much bigger than ours. He wants us to see the bigger context of the worldwide family. She and Carl sought purposely to envision their children to be engaged in God’s mission as part of this worldwide family.
What is our goal for our children? To be happy? To have good jobs? Our main goal must be to train them to follow God. Our children are not our own, they belong to Him and we have a responsibility before Him to train them.
Parental example
Carl illustrated how his father taught him good attitudes, not just good behaviour. He grew up in the Deep South where there was sharp segregation between black and white. Carl’s Dad sat him down and told him that this was not a Christian value and they would not conform to it. Consequently, Carl went to a school that was 100% black. His Dad lived from principle and Carl honours him for it.
Virginia illustrated how God showed her the importance of establishing in the children’s minds that Carl was the head of the home. It is so easy for a mother to build kids to herself! But she did not want ‘mama’s boys’ and continually pointed them toward their father as their authority and example.
Recalling how she had entered marriage ignorant of the most basic of domestic activities, she was determined that her children learnt to take responsibility early on. Children need to be prepared for life so that they can leave home confidently and be competent. Some young people don’t know how to think because their mothers did everything for them. We must prepare them to face life. Don’t focus on happiness at the expense of character development.
Our children have become our friends too
If children leave home as responsible, secure adults they will be more likely to have a healthy, mature relationship with their parents.
• Let children receive input from others. Parents do not have all the needed wisdom!
• Share stories of God’s faithfulness. Challenge children to trust God for themselves.
• Keep marriage fresh! It’s good for kids to see their parents loving each other.
• The atmosphere of the home is important. If parents fight and argue, the children will be insecure. They need to grow in an atmosphere of love, mercy, grace and discipline.
• Be honest about our motives and feelings as we release them to go. Be tender-hearted but recognise our greater priority is to follow God’s call.
The move to Atlanta was a crossroads for the whole family. Recently married, Heather and her husband Matthew are vigorously involved in Grace Church, Lees Summit, Missouri; David is committed to Jubilee Church, St Louis, and Jonathan is soon leaving for GodFirst Church, Johannesburg, South Africa. All are very positive about moving on, although inevitably the parting of ways is painful. All three children have ‘set their hearts on pilgrimage’, with their parents’ example before them and their excellent training shaping them, geographically spread out but one in heart as they follow the call. |
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