The life and times of Yohaan Philip
By Yohaan Philip
Brighton, UK
I then sat back and let the Cannabis kick in as I sat at the door of a train which took me to the southern–most part of the Indian Subcontinent. I had just quit my job in one of the world’s leading consultancies, was addicted to Cannabis and Hashish, was in an immoral and intense relationship with a Hindu girl, and found absolutely no interest in honouring God. I seemed to be losing control of myself and had done pretty much everything I had been taught not to do. I was spiralling down towards becoming someone I utterly detested, someone with absolutely no moral standards and a hypocrite in denial. And then God broke through ever so powerfully!
Christian background
I was born into a God-fearing, Bible-loving, Christian family. My Dad led a church in Mumbai. I believed there was a God; I had seen Him work and I was convinced of His existence. I believed in His Son, Jesus, who sacrificed his sinless life for my sin. Being born into a ‘pastor’s home’ was a great privilege I was repeatedly told, but I didn’t think so one bit and wanted to experience life for myself.
As I grew older, I became the centre of my life. I was my own god now. I went to church but didn't follow a word of what I heard. But I shamelessly called myself a Christian and prayed when I needed deliverance from any serious trouble.
At that time, nothing about Christianity appealed to me. I found no joy in reading my Bible and was quite unrepentant of my sins. People all around me seemed so sincere and alive in their walk with God, but I couldn’t bring myself to build a relationship with Him. Church was boring and I preferred my pigsty of a life.
Romans 1:32 reads, ‘Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.’ That was me.
God Speaks
A few weeks after making that half-hearted prayer at the door of the train, I was at a church camp in Goa where my Dad was preaching. The only reason I went was because the global drug trail ends in Goa, but God had far better plans for me! During a ministry time, I was standing at the back sceptically gazing at what was going on, when suddenly I felt God tell me to speak His words to a man there. It was so clear and compelling that all my attempts to resist proved futile.
I finally closed my eyes and said, ‘God if this is you, when I open my eyes that guy should be standing next to me.’ I opened my eyes and he was standing there! I gave in. I spoke to him what I felt God was telling me to. I was relieved when it was done, and then God gave me another word for another man! I resisted again and made the same demand. Needless to say, I opened my eyes and there he was! The third time around, I didn’t even resist. That afternoon God used me to speak into five people’s lives.
When the ministry time ended, I went outside and lit a cigarette. I looked at that cigarette and couldn’t believe what I was doing – here was God finally working in me and here was I giving into my addictions. The next day God delivered me from my addiction to nicotine.
For a couple of months, I battled with what to do. I had two options – either I continued being with the girl and the drugs I loved and allow myself to implode; or give it all up and turn to Jesus. It’s not as easy as it sounds! But the moral code that my Creator had built into me was kicking in. Change was at hand!
God breaks in
I was suddenly desperate to meet God. I wanted to be right with Him, to experience His life in me. I wanted Him.
I was under the delusion that I needed to right my wrongs in order to be right with God. How impossible that seemed! I was addicted. I was in love. Could I give it all up?
God saw my desire and met me. Did I deserve it? I wouldn’t have given myself a chance!
‘Come to Him just the way you are and He will ease your burdens,’ a very wise man told me as we sat at a coffee shop overlooking the Arabian Sea. It was the 2nd of January 2007. I did just as he said. Nothing I can ever write will ever do justice to what happened next.
It’s been over two years since I last touched tobacco or any other narcotic stimulant. But, more than just delivering me from my addictions, God transformed my heart! Suddenly all I wanted to do was love God, honour Him and serve His church. If I look back, I honestly don’t know how I reached that end of the spectrum! All I know is that it was God’s immense grace.
God saves and heals
Life’s been pretty exciting since. Tough decisions had to be made.
I have failed miserably at times, I have experienced joy, I have experienced pain. Through every experience I have known the incredible closeness of God. One of the most significant decisions was ending the ungodly relationship I was in. Even after ending it, I struggled with it for a year. But God was merciful time and time again, and when He finally healed the hurt of it all, I experienced one of my most precious times with God. I expected an ‘I told you so’, but God just revealed more and more of His love for me during a time of deep pain. I’d never trade that time with God for anything in this world!
My parents had spent many agonising years earnestly crying out to God for me, often with fasting. They held fast to promises that God had given them about my life knowing their prayers were not in vain. Today with great confidence they encourage parents whose children have walked away to keep seeking God. One of my greatest joys is to see their joy.
Three of the most significant things that God has given me are a passion for the cross, a zeal for His church and His kingdom, and a deep love for His Word.
Passion for God
When I came back to the Lord, I had none of these. I watched my Dad preach, with emotion and passion, on the cross and the church, and I deeply desired what he had! I could read and hear about the cross and not bat an eyelid. So I began to cry out to God to work not only in my mind but also in my heart.
I didn’t want to know for the sake of knowing – I wanted to believe in my very gut. I wanted to be excited about Jesus and all he had done for me. I still remember the first time I burst into tears as I sang ‘In Christ Alone’. I was filled with such joy after that! God was working in my heart! Even today Jesus on the cross moves me to tears. Oh the richness of knowing the incomparable Jesus Christ and his great love for me.
If you ask me today what I want to do with my life, I’d shoot back without a moment’s hesitation, ‘I want to serve the church.’ A few years ago I would have said, ‘I’d do anything but serve the church.’ I can’t explain the process of change, it just happened! I just know how precious and important the church is to Jesus and to this fallen world we live in. To me, making money and building a successful career pales in comparison to the honour of serving him.
God has also placed in my heart a great love for His Word. For someone who hated studying and taking exams right through school and university, I can only give God glory for this! It’s so exciting to read and study the Bible: it gives me a high! I’ve grown in the prophetic largely because of this. I’m currently doing Phase 1 and Phase 2 of Leadership Training in Brighton, UK one of the highlights of my life. Every session reveals such gems of truths from the Bible – I could do this all my life!
‘God help me to love you with all my heart for all my life.’
I soaked in the moment as I stood there with a friend, who is closer than a brother, on the Brighton sea shore, as the icy January winter breeze slapped hard against my face. It was midnight and instead of resting in the warmth of his parents’ home, we stood there crying out to God and just enjoying being in His presence. It had been two years since God had dramatically rescued me, and I was still soaking in His favour.
Every day I reflect on the new life He has given me! I begin to feel the love of God course through my body. This truth makes my life sweeter every day. Today I have found my real reason for existence – how can there be anything better in life than being in a relationship with the One who created me? And it is in this relationship through its highs and low, I come alive.