Wisdom for fathers from Proverbs

By Jonathan Bell

Birmingham, UK

There’s a Chinese proverb that says, ‘One generation plants the trees and another gets the shade.’ We’re living in the shade of many trees that were planted by our ancestors. Personally, I’m indebted to my parents’ love for God, their love of His Word, their wisdom, their understanding of what’s right and wrong, their discipline, their generosity and their incredible faith. These things provided tremendous shade for me as I was growing up. I now have the opportunity to do the same for my children.

This is both an awesome privilege and a tremendous challenge. It doesn’t take a whole lot of discernment to see that society is currently in a serious state of moral and spiritual decline. The huge question facing Christian parents today is whether we can ‘plant some trees’ that will provide shade for future generations from the searing heat of anti-Christian values in an increasingly anti-Christian world. Are we doing everything we can to plant these trees, or are we in effect leaving our children totally exposed?

The scale of the task can perhaps leave us feeling quite overwhelmed. I can still vividly remember the birth of our oldest son and suddenly feeling the huge weight of responsibility that comes with being a parent. Since then I’ve read many books on parenting and attended various courses and seminars. What I’ve come to realise is that, more than anything else, we desperately need to know what the Bible teaches about parenting and begin to put it into practice. I’m convinced that if Christian parents simply understood and applied the basic principles laid out in the Bible, they would be able to rise above the trends in secular society and raise their children in a Christ-honouring way, in any circumstance and any culture.

Obviously it’s not possible in an article like this to do a thorough survey of the whole Bible. So I’ve homed in on the wisdom that’s found in the book of Proverbs. Proverbs is a fantastic textbook for all parents, but for fathers in particular. It contains all sorts of practical wisdom from quite possibly the wisest person ever to have lived. Here are the top ten lessons to get you started:

Teach your children to fear God

(Prov. 1:7; 9:10; 10:27; 14:26, 27; 15:16; 16:6; 19:23)
The fear of God is the greatest foundation we can lay for our children. When we teach our children about God we must try to give them a full appreciation of all His attributes! Too often children are only presented with the gentle, meek and mild attributes of God. They therefore grow up mistakenly thinking that God is harmless and that disobeying Him has no consequences. The goal of Biblical parenting is for our children to fear violating God’s standards, not merely ours! If our children grow up merely fearing our displeasure and not God’s, what will they do when we’re not around? They need to grasp that when they do wrong, they are setting themselves against a holy God who punishes those who violate His righteous standards.

Teach your children to obey their parents

(Prov. 1:8; 4:1-4; 6:20-23; 13:24)
Parents must teach their children obedience! This is one of the most basic and obvious responsibilities of parenthood. It involves discipline and correction. Not to do this is to display a lack of love for our children. It’s not payback so much as an aid to growth. The Bible never sanctions a superficial love that is always lenient, indulgent and permissive. The love that leads to firm and consistent discipline is a strong, robust love that demands obedience and punishes disobedience because that’s what’s best for the child.

Teach your children to love others

(Prov. 3:27-29; 25:21-22)
Jesus said that loving our neighbour is the second greatest commandment, so we would do well to train our children to live this way. Let’s face it – we live in an increasingly self-centred society. We need to be purposeful about setting an example that steers our children away from selfishness and guides them towards considering others, showing them care, kindness, mercy, forgiveness and compassion.

Teach your children to guard their minds

(Prov. 4:23; 23:7)
This is huge! The onslaught our children face from TV, films, music, advertising, the internet and even from the school curriculum is massive. We’re to set high standards in this area, protecting our children from exposing themselves indiscriminately to stuff that has the potential to harm them. However, total isolation isn’t the key. We’re to help them to be wise and discerning. We should regularly talk with them about what they watch and what their friends are watching. We should also take the initiative to feed their minds with things that will shape their thinking positively.

Teach your children to select their friends carefully

(Prov. 1:10-18; 2:10-15; 13:20)
If we don’t help our children choose the right kinds of companion, the wrong kinds of companion will inevitably choose them. Our children’s moral standards, their language and the activities they get involved with are unlikely to rise above the lowest common denominator of their friends. Children are more susceptible to follow a bad example than they are to set a good example, especially when it means going against their peers. Be proactive in encouraging friendships with children who are going to be a positive influence.

Teach your children to be self-controlled

(Prov. 2:16-19; 5:3-5; 6:23-33; 7:6-27)
The older they get, the more our children will develop powerful passions that can lead them into trouble unless they’ve learnt to control their lusts. As parents we have a responsibility to model self-control to our children. We also need to help our children understand that we never sin in a vacuum; sin always has consequences sooner or later. We need to teach them the virtue of purity. It’s a wise parent who invests time from an early age into building a relationship with their children where it’s normal to talk together about what’s going on in their lives. If we have their respect, they will come to us for help and advice when they need it.

Teach your children to watch their words

(Prov. 4:24; 10:11, 19-21, 32; 12:22; 15:7; 16:23)
Parents need to teach their children to guard their tongues. We’re to train them to say things that build others up, not injure them. We’re to teach them to keep their words pure. And we’re to encourage them to speak the truth and not lie. This is vital, because if our children grow up learning to live with a lie, they will end up susceptible to any sin. By covering their wrongdoing by telling a lie, they are training their conscience to tolerate the lie. Eventually their conscience will become useless in guarding them from any sin.

Teach your children to manage money

(Prov. 3:9-10; 11:24-28; 15:27; 19:17;
22:16; 23:4)
Do you want your children to be blessed by God? If so, you need to teach them how to give generously, and how to use their money and possessions to honour Him. One of the most important principles my parents taught me was that God provides. From an early age I was involved with their adventures of faith – giving what we couldn’t afford and regularly seeing God faithfully come through with miraculous provision just when we needed it! Don’t deprive your children of these invaluable lessons!

Teach your children to work hard

(Prov. 6:6-11; 10:4-5)
We have a responsibility to train our children to take initiative, be responsible and plan for the future. Laziness is one of the worst character flaws. A lazy person is skilled at coming up with excuses, procrastinating, stalling and delaying unpleasant tasks. We mustn’t allow our children to develop these lazy habits. We’re to model being decisive and taking action. If all they ever see is us slouched in the armchair in front of the TV they’re likely to follow our example!

Teach your children to enjoy their spouse

(Prov. 5:15-20)
Solomon wrote an entire book of the Bible (Song of Solomon) celebrating the joys of marriage! Unfortunately, Solomon carried his teaching too far and ended up with numerous wives! Nonetheless, he paints a wonderful picture of what marriage should be like. It’s important we don’t make the same mistake as Solomon – our words must match our example. By the way we treat our spouse and the way we speak to each other we’re to show our children that true contentment and full satisfaction are found only within marriage.

Psalm 127:4 likens children to arrows. A bit like an archer aiming at a target in the distance, parents launch their children into the future. Some parents have a good sense of aim; their arrows are fired into the future and hit the target. But the majority of arrows are fired by parents who have lost sight of the target. Sadly, they prove the saying that ‘If you aim at nothing, you’re sure to hit it.’ We have a great responsibility to this generation and the next. Let’s do all we can to raise up godly children who are thoroughly equipped to serve the purposes of God in their generation.